Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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