It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
It was like giving head to a cactus.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
