I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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