My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I need to stop coming to work sober
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
