i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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