Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
