I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
