Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
