I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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