I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
