I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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