i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
