I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I cannot find my penis.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
