you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
His hands were made for my vagina.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
