Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
