HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
The air taste purple.
Randomize
