The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
