dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
