started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
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