This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
