Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Randomize
