I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
