I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
