She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Randomize
