Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
