If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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