I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
