I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
