my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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