and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
