I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
They have beer where we have blood.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
