Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
