Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Swine flu is the new snow day.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
