You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
