I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Randomize
