The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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