I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
