i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Randomize
