so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
