My pussy is not your playground.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
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