Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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