how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
