i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
His nipple licking is glorious
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