hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
