yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
