it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
