i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
