So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
