I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
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