I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
3 2 1 whiskey
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
