Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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