Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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