I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
