is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
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