I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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