I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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