the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
