I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Alive.
So much puke
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
