I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I have tasted many bathrooms
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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